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“Great,” my neighbor in the next office beams when I ask how she’s doing. “Absolutely great.” She adds an emphatic nod to her smile. “Work and life in perfect balance!” . My neighbor’s deadpan sarcasm is balm for my soul. I could tell her about last night’s endless hours of inexplicable toddler screaming my wife and I endured — hand, foot, and mouth disease, we later figure out — that today locks me in a fog. But I don’t need to: My neighbor’s bottomless pain sublimates into a high-gloss understanding. She feels “great.” I feel heard. . “Check this out,” I tell her, pulling out of my backpack a copy of Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence. “This is what I was reading yesterday morning on the bus. Two minutes later, I’m stepping off the sidewalk as cars keep turning left against a red left-turn arrow. I’m in the middle of the intersection when this car keeps lurching toward me, the passenger angrily waving at me to get out of their way. And that’s when I turn around, stand still, and flip them off.” . Of course I know I’m not supposed to do this. Of course I know, even as it’s happening, that my amygdala is giving my own prefrontal cortex the middle finger. But you know what? When it’s been weeks since anybody in my family has been healthy, when getting a full night’s sleep feels like a pipe dream, when the most restful time of my week is the Monday morning commute, why yes, there are moments when I feel like reaching into my own skull, ripping out my little reptilian brain, stretching it out like a pulled noodle, and wrapping it tightly around the throat of the stranger endangering my life. Smiling and saying nothing is normal. It’s also scary AF. Hell on earth, as far as I’m concerned, means feeling the rawness of life by a thousand cuts and keeping it under wraps. Will the universe implode if I admit this?

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RSS Where Genius Grows podcast

  • 72: Wendy Moomaw, Wielding the Power of Profit
  • 71: Jennifer Garvey Berger & Carolyn Coughlin, Journeying to the Growing Edge
  • 70: Tony Quinlan, Downgrading Your Certainty
  • 69: Carolyn Coughlin, Practicing Complexity Fitness

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1875 K Street, NW 4th Floor
Washington, DC 20006
(202) 599-4383